M.K. Permejo

If you’re chronically online like the rest of the Millennial and Gen Z population, then you probably consume the same media as everyone else. Have you heard of the ‘How often do you think about the Roman Empire‘ trend among males? Well, apparently, the female equivalent to that is How often do you think about your ex-best friends?

Many argue that men are commendable for maintaining longstanding connections with the same people they’ve known since their youth, while women may experience more friendship fallouts at different stages of their lives in comparison. There may come a time when you have a friend you’ve known for years, but your relationship falls apart. This can occur due to various factors, none of which are inherently tied to your gender.

Here are 10 common causes behind friendship breakups that might help you spot and explain the eerie vibe around friendships that don’t feel quite the same anymore.

1. Communication Issues

You’ve likely encountered the adage that “Communication is the key,” but there’s more to this familiar saying than meets the eye. When resolving communication issues, it’s essential to understand that it goes beyond just talking. It hinges on a deep understanding and a genuine willingness to comprehend. Sometimes, people become so engrossed in expressing their viewpoints that they overlook the significance of actively listening to their friends. This oversight may reach to a point where the listener no longer feels heard or valued, ultimately resulting in a communication breakdown. Effective communication extends beyond mere words; it entails the thoughtful consideration of your friends’ thoughts and feelings.

2. Conflict of Interests

There comes a time in life where the connection you have with a friend starts changing. It happens because your values, interests, or priorities don’t quite line up anymore. Those buddies you used to share hobbies with might start moving in different directions as they follow their own paths. When keeping the friendship going starts feeling like a chore, cut yourself some slack. Embrace the fact that everyone’s on their unique journey, seek common ground where possible, or simply reflect on the friendship’s treasured moments for what they were.

3. Betrayal

No one can betray you more profoundly than those you’ve placed your complete trust in. Feelings of betrayal in any relationship are quite common, whether it’s unintentional or not. It may include sharing something told in confidence to others without permission, failing to keep promises, or repeating actions that have already been communicated as unacceptable. Such betrayals can cut deep, leaving emotional wounds that take time to heal.

4. Personal Growth

Being inseparable from friends is no guarantee of a lifelong bond, a lesson many learn the hard way. Nothing hurts more than the moment you realize that the once-cherished connection no longer serves you. It’s a sign that you’ve outgrown the friendship, and it’s time to take a step forward and let life take its course: to open doors and form new, more aligned connections with people who resonate with the person you’re becoming.

5. Life Events

You’ve probably had that one friend who, upon seeing changes in your life, starts urging you with seemingly harmless declarations like “Don’t change!” or “Keep in touch!” This often happens when you switch jobs, move away, face tough times, or hit some big milestones. Some friends really take these words to heart, only to discover that as life unfolds, it’s the very folks who advised you to stay the same and maintain the same level of accessibility for them who end up changing and drifting away.

It’s good to remember that life throws different responsibilities and constraints at friends due to these events. While it’s natural to feel a bit hurt, finding ways to support each other during these times can help your friendships endure. However, there are situations where the geographical or emotional distance created by life’s twists and turns leads to a fallout. That’s just life. It happens.

6. Unresolved Conflicts

When you let problems stay unaddressed, feelings of resentment ensue and create emotional rifts between friends. Often, people misunderstand conflicts as battles to determine who’s right rather than as opportunities to arrive at an agreement. A compromise, at the very least. In reality, the core issue lies in a lack of effective communication and a shared vision for the friendship’s ultimate goals.

7. Different Expectations

If you’re someone who places a significant emphasis on friendships, you may approach these bonds differently than those who hold a more casual view of them. Some friends begin their relationship with certain expectations, whether they are unspoken or openly discussed, assuming that their values and priorities align. However, as time goes on, variations in what each friend anticipates from the friendship can give rise to misunderstandings and, at times, even disappointment. These differences in expectations can encompass various aspects, such as the desired level of closeness, the distribution of responsibilities, and the long-term goals and aspirations within the friendship.

8. Personality Differences

Friends build strong connections even if it means embracing quirks and oddities. However, these traits can lead to difficulties in understanding one another’s thoughts—from trivial debates over adding liver to pancit, putting raisins in menudo, or the perennial pineapple-on-pizza kerfuffle, to deeper moral conflicts like supporting a corrupt politician due to religious teachings or personal convictions. In this case, you may pause and contemplate whether you can comfortably maintain a friendship with someone whose values appear to clash with your own. Resolving these differences requires a lot of work. It’s best to agree to disagree sometimes. Other times, these personality differences become deal breakers.

9. Outside Influences

Friendships aren’t standalone islands; they’re entwined with our lives, and external factors can exert direct and indirect pressures on the bond. Take, for instance, when a friend enters a new romantic relationship. They might naturally give more time to their partner, leaving less for their existing friends. Family dynamics can also come into play, with conflicts or obligations diverting a friend’s attention and emotional energy from you. Furthermore, a person’s relationship with themselves can impact how they navigate their friendships. Sometimes, a falling out isn’t solely within your control, and there’s no need to beat yourself about it. Give yourself some grace.

10. Neglect or Lack of Effort

At some point, we’ve all chipped in for a friend’s birthday or thrown a party for them. But when it’s your turn, you may find yourself questioning whether they even remember your birthday, let alone make an effort to celebrate it. We’ve all experienced this, and the unequal effort may breed more resentment than you might expect.

Neglect in friendships can be a painful experience, particularly in relationships that feel like family. When you perceive a lack of effort from the other side, it raises doubts about how they value you as a person. It’s possible they don’t see you as a friend at all.

Friendships come in various tiers, with some remaining at a surface level. This distinction explains why guys stay “friends” with their bros for more extended periods than women. In these cases, the effort required to establish a deeper, more intimate connection isn’t always made, and this lack of effort becomes evident.

Understanding the common causes of friendship breakups equips us with more insights that heighten our awareness to the nuances in forming connections with others. While these factors determine the end of an era with certain people, they also pave the way for new, more harmonious friendships to flourish as we journey through life.